I do not want to leave our apartment this morning. When something goes wrong in the world, I want to be next to Paul in our skynest with the shades drawn.

Several years ago we stayed at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, the same hotel from which Stephen Paddock fired on concertgoers on Sunday night. I remember the hotel well. Golden mirrored windows accentuated the desert light. Airplanes from McCarran International Airport flew close to our high room. Nothing seemed quite real.

At the other end of my BART ride to work today, I eat delicious wonton soup in a dark Chinese restaurant. More avoidance. But it opens onto the Westfield San Francisco Centre. I can’t help wondering, will the same thing happen here?

My office in the Flood Building is another nest, tucked away, full of books, magazines, and art. Facing the courtyard, it is quiet, and I play my comfort music from my adolescence, mostly Cat Stevens. I read the emails, find stories, organize invoices, talk on the phone. Over 50 people killed, over 500 injured. I am at a complete loss. I feel out of breath. I lie down on my new napping pad for another break.

The country seems to have lost its mind. Who would do this? After the Oklahoma bombing, the receptionist at the office told me, “It was your people.” Yes, “my people” are terrorists. If you consider the founding of this country, it is really true. (But we are not alone—our Cold War adversaries haven’t fared so well in this department either.)

Trying hard to find order in this disaster, some folks blame the lack of gun control legislation. Some folks blame the Entitled White Male culture that Trump promotes. Some folks blame the lack of mental health resources. I am inclined to agree with all of them.

But this terrible moment explodes as the society spins off its axis. We want something simple to explain the unexplainable. Within a few minutes, over 500 people have had their lives torn apart. It might take a person an entire lifetime to help 500 people.

The loss of purpose and its evil replacement, total faith in money, partially accounts for this downward spiral. I keep going back to that. The old cliché “follow the money” answers so many questions. Without purpose, our citizens end up finding meaning in a false narrative related to wealth. And wealth buys influence, from bank regulation to gun regulation.

At the same time, some of my friends are criticizing prayer as useless or a dodge to avoid difficult political issues. I just don’t agree with the idea of putting a red X on the word prayer. We need to look to leaders like Gandhi, Jesus, Thich Nhat Hanh, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. , the Dalai Lama, and others and remember to try and be kind and help those who are suffering. That’s how prayer helps. It doesn’t bring anybody back. It won’t heal the wounded. But it might help those left behind to stay sane and help. That is a lesson of those great leaders; prayer can be part of the resistance.